Loneliness: the first surge

I just woke up for the first time in my new Russian apartment. I slept 5 uninterrupted hours prior to jet lag waking me at around 2am. I managed to force in a couple more hours after that for a grand total of 8.

And then I got out of bed.

Loneliness hit me like a power surge. I can’t remember the last time I felt alone or this isolated. It’s really a strange sensation for me, I guess I’m around people a lot and if I’m not, I know that I’ve got plans of when I’ll see people next.

Well, I knew I’d be seeing people at 10am today – only 4.5 hours to wait… what’s the big deal? I’m not sure how to describe how different it was for me today. I was really filled with longing and sadness… so I let it sweep over me. I never do that. I always push tough emotions like sadness away and distract with something else – listening to music, watching a movie, hanging with others, diving into work. Stuff like that. I’m so glad that I went to 5 weeks of mission training (besides meeting Amy) I learned so much about healthy emotional transitions. If I don’t experience these feelings fully – they’ll overwhelm me in the long run.

So I sat down with My Favorite Book and read for a little while. I know who I can always rely on to be there for me and to empower me. It was really great. I read about the HS and how he comforts and encourages. He even teaches us how to Think! So cool.

Then I decided to leave the apartment and go exploring for a while. The refrigerator doesn’t work, so the milk that Sally bought for me was spoiled. I didn’t think about that fact that I was awake before anyone else – but I managed to discover the location of the closest post office, urgent care clinic (I think), the apothecary, and the police station.

I’m about to go back out and buy some milk for breakfast and then I have an appointment today about securing language schooling.